It’s not about me. Or is it…

What is God trying to teach me? What am I open to humbly learn…

It’s not about me. Or is it…

Traveling over roads that are nothing but piles of rubble, bouncing, lurching, assaulted by honking, chaos of people and cars and vendors, and no apparent rules of the road, yet arriving at a new destination with each trip.

What is God trying to teach me? What am I open to humbly learn…

Visiting sick, dying and abandoned infants and children, spending an all too short period of time sharing in their care. Feeling my heart about to burst as I held, caressed, fed, sang to, danced with, prayed over, while feeling and aching with an inexplicable peace and of being home.

It’s not about me. Or is it…

Gazing upon a landscape of rolling mountains, so lush and green, and an ocean of brilliant blue and calm serenity, while my feet are solidly planted on millions of pebbles under which lie the remains of thousands of men, women, children, brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, friends, neighbors, and strangers.

What is God trying to teach me? What am I open to humbly learn…

Sharing in the intimicies of lives lived in complete squalor, amidst garbage, human waste, wandering animals, aghast at the sight of children running through the streets of rubble who bear witness to the lack of food, of water, of basic medical assistance, and feeling so overwhelmingly blessed to be able to hug, to hold, to caress, and to deliver items which may ease some of the burden of unimaginable circumstances.

It’s not about me. Or is it…

Awed by the resilience, the dignity, the strength, of a community that has suffered so very very much, yet displays humbleness, grace, and indeed hope and joy, while surrounded by utter devestation.

What is God trying to teach me? What am I open to humbly learn…

Overwhelmed by the knowledge that so many people have opened up to God’s grace and shared their hearts in a variety of ways in and through Healing Haiti, and so humbled by and grateful for the gift of being a part of something that is so amazing and through which God is working.

It’s not about me. Or is it…

Bursting with hope and pride with the visual observations of a place which brings the promise of a new beginning for children who have known so much struggle, heartache, loneliness, and yet have been taken in and cared for by selfless individuals who also have known struggle and heartache.

What is God trying to teach me? What am I open to humbly learn…

Tossing about on truck rides home from excursions, reflecting on our multi-faceted visits, overwhelmed with our experience, physically present in Haiti, but already feeling seeds being planted that will bloom when we return to our homes. Brainstorming on how to respond. Feeling my mind begin to leave where I physically am, and travel to where I physically am not. I can’t help but to feel my hands begin to clench again and stomach begin to cramp as I wonder if I’m not already starting to run ahead of God, rather than follow.

What is God trying to teach me? What am I open to humbly learn…

Being a part of a group comprised of unique individuals with a variety of backgrounds, experiences, gifts, and walls, each with their own story, yet all having stepped out in faith, despite any fears or insecurities or questions, to serve. To be a part of something bigger than themselves and their “normal” lives, knowing not what was to come or evolve, but willing to take a leap. A group who has shared, served, laughed, cried, eaten, slept and prayed together, while being broken open and apart and humbled in very individual, unique, personal ways.

What is God trying to teach me? What am I open to humbly learn…

It is with a heavy heart, yet a soaring heart, that I must acknowledge that this visit to Haiti is drawing to a close, and I am preparing to go forth, to travel onward, to leave, while bringing a part of Haiti with me that will remain with me forever. Inside a heart that has been torn apart, in ways I could never have imagined, as my eyes witnessed sights beyond comprehension, my hands reached out to touch and to work and to pray and to praise in an place beyond comprehension, my feet trod upon a ground that was unsteady at best yet delivered safely at every destination that was beyond my comprehension. It’s not about me, yet it’s ALL about me. As God teaches me, what am I willing to learn? It’s not about me, yet it’s ALL about me. How will I apply the lessons? It’s not about me, yet it’s ALL about me. How can I be used as a vessel for His grace to pour out in abundance over all the world? It’s not about me, yet it’s ALL about me. How will my capacity to love be transformed by this amazing journey? It’s not about me, yet it’s ALL about me. How can I humbly continue on the transformational journey that God has designed for me? I don’t have the answers to any of these, and so many other questions, and I’m not sure I ever will. But with a heart that is cracked wide open, it is my fervent prayer that I humbly obey, follow, and serve with a love that knows no end, no boundaries. May that love and humble gratitude be reflected in all of my choices and actions.

“I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world.” Mother Teresa

Jennifer Shultz

Healing Haiti Team Member